Sometimes I get a little uncomfortable when people tell me how nice I am. That’s because there is a difference between the terms ‘nice’ and ‘kind.’ Being nice has an external vantage point and kindness has an internal vantage point.
The concepts ‘nice’ and ‘kind’ are not created equal, and they are not interchangeable terms. Many people say nice when the mean kind, or say kind when they mean nice. It could be argued that one is superior to the other; but that is not my main goal in this post. I simply want to show that they have different meanings.
Nice is an external vantage point.
People see smiles, gestures, relationships, and a friendly demeanor. While it is great to experience this from someone or to be nice to others, there is a lacking of depth. Perhaps at times there is also a lacking of sincerity.
Kind is an internal vantage point.
People feel warmth, tenderness, genuine concern, empathy/sympathy, and a true knowing or caring. Typically, this is a much deeper, more meaningful moment. Kindness is purely sincere, with no ulterior motive or desire for recognition.
Being nice has social advantages, while being kind has personal advantages. There will occasionally be an expectation for reciprocity with being nice. For example, I scratch your back, you scratch mine. I don’t tell the boss you came in late yesterday, you don’t tell the boss I came in late today. Even volunteering at a soup kitchen could be nice versus kind. If the intention is to be seen by someone, to be thanked, to get your picture in the newsletter – then the action is nice. In contrast, kindness wants nothing in return. Kindness would be volunteering for the soup kitchen for it’s own sake – out of love, or genuine concern. Another example; being nice is getting a gift for a friend, knowing they will likely get you one, too. Being kind is getting meaningful gifts for people without any concern or care if you receive gifts in return.
To bring it full circle – what does this mean for me? The biggest area of growth is twofold. The first is to acknowledge that we are and have done BOTH. It’s not important to judge ourselves for when we were nice versus kind. The goal is to absorb and understand the difference, and simply notice it. The second place of growth is how this information can be turned into action-steps. For example, our awareness can help us to use the term nice when we mean nice. When we mean kindness, we use the term kind. We will begin to recognize our own power in improving ourselves as we strengthen our understanding.
How has this post challenged your understanding of nice and kind? What is one small way to implement kindness into your life?
Individual Counseling and Hypnotherapy in Bucktown, Chicago
My name is Amber Bouda, and I’m a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) and certified hypnotherapist (CHT). I received my masters in social work from the University of Michigan and my training in hypnotherapy from Dr. Brian Weiss at Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY and hypnotherapy certification through the Wellness Institute in Issaquah, WA. I provide Individual Therapy, Hypnotherapy, and Supplemental Hypnotherapy in my private practice in Bucktown, Chicago.